DDD

Sometimes I think I have DDD.  I swear if there are two directions to choose from I do not have a 50/50 chance of choosing the right way.  I remember only being aware of my Directional Deficit Disorder after I got married.  Newly married and in a new town far from our childhood areas, I remember my husband experimenting with new routes to get to our new home. Whenever we went out some where he’d take me home a new way.  I don’t think I quite knew where we lived until we’d been there a few years.

After that I realized that if I took a wrong turn on my way to a new place, that I was doomed to repeat the wrong turn a couple more times.  I’d get to the familiar corner and go, “yes, yes, I’ve seen this corner before, and I turn here,” only to find a couple hundred yards into it, that I’d been duped again by my DDD.  So of course now I’d memorized the wrong turn again for my next trip out.

I’ve been on roads that I’ve never had a problem with before, but in the dark everything looks different and I have to rely on road signs, and suddenly I’m in the Bermuda Triangle of Maine and can’t get out.  I’ve paid quite a bit in tolls before finding my way out of the maze.

Today I did the same thing, even with my map program showing me the route.  I was doing great on my hour and a half trip for the first hour and fifteen minutes.  Lights were with me all the way.  No traffic to speak of.  Beautiful day.  Skipped the Bermuda Triangle.  Ahhh, I was golden…until I got close.  I turned down the road I thought had to be it.  Nope.  Turn around, your map says you went too far.  Here it is.  Nope.  You went  back too far.  Try again.  Finally I’m on the campus of the elementary, middle, high and vo-tech schools.  But somehow I’d gone in the back way, not the way I’d come in last year.  My heart sank when I saw no cars in the parking lot I thought should be full. 

Phew!  Driving past the corner of one of the buildings, I saw what I had anticipated; lots and lots of cars and people, but not the building I was looking for.  I ended up going around the school twice before finding the road that took me up to the gymnasium where I needed to be.  As I parked, I looked around to try to plan my escape later.  Should be easy.  Just go back the way you came.

However when it was time to leave, I noticed the “One Way, Do Not Enter” sign on the driveway I’d used to come in.  Great. 

Okay, time for the 50/50 chance of picking the right way out.  I ended up in back of the elementary school in the delivery area with no exit.  Turn around.  At least now I only had one choice, so I have a 100% chance of getting out onto the road…except once out on the road which way do I go?  Left or right.  I chose right.  It looked right. 

As I bopped along, I got my sinking DDD feeling.  This doesn’t look right.  But this isn’t the way I had originally come  in, so maybe I’m okay.  Buuuuut, nothing is looking familiar yet. Oh, let’s look at our handy dandy map.  Yeah, way off.  I should have gone left when I came out.  Turn around again.  Aaah, yes, I remember those two houses and that business.  I am good to go.  

At an intersection waiting at a red light I realized I had shut my map program off when I put music on.  I looked up to see that the light had changed to green and no one was in front of me anymore.  A very polite person in a very big white truck was behind me not honking.  I hurriedly set out out just as my map came up again, and I saw that I should have turned left at the intersection where I'd just been stopped.

Upon finding a place to turn around again, I noticed that my gas gauge was now threatening a whole car revolt.  You know, between here and the left turn (which is now a right turn from this direction) I had seen a very nice full service station.  I bet if there were no turns between me and it, I could just pull in there and let someone else fill my tank for the few extra cents, while I take a nice deep breath and get my DDD back in control.