Empty
Bowl –
Striding.
Telling looks
Harsh stares
Thinking.
Devising.
Commanding.
You must have what I want.
You must know what I want.
You must relinquish what I want.
Yes.
I have what you want.
I know what you want.
I am busy.
Ignoring.
Resisting.
Aarrgh, caving.
Relinquishing.
Telling looks
Harsh stares
Striding –
Bowl
Full.
The writing process to this piece, from 1st at the end to 5th and final (above). It just seemed an interesting process to me and I decided to keep my copies as I revised.
4.
Food
Gone,
Striding to me.
Telling looks –
Harsh stares –
He is thinking.
Devising.
Commanding.
I must have what he wants.
I must know what he wants.
I must relinquish what he wants.
Yes.
I have what he wants.
I know what he wants.
I am busy.
I am ignoring.
Resisting.
Aarrgh, caving.
Relinquishing.
Telling looks –
Harsh stares –
Striding to the bowl
With
Food.
3.
Hungry
Striding to the bowl
Telling looks
Harsh stares
He is thinking.
Devising.
Commanding.
I must have what he wants
I must know what he wants
I must relinquish what he wants.
I am ignoring.
Resisting.
Caving.
Telling looks
Harsh stares
Striding to the bowl
With
Food
2.
Hungry
He
Strides to the bowl
Gives me
Blank stares
Speaking stares Telling looks
Harsh stares
He is thinking.
He is devising.
He is commanding.
I must have what he wants
I must know what he wants
I must relinquish what he wants
I am wondering.
I am resisting.
I am caving.
Blank stares
Speaking stares
Harsh stares
From
Me
Fed
1.
Blank stares
Speaking stares
Harsh stares
He is thinking.
He is devising.
He is commanding.
I must have what he wants
I must know what he wants
I must relinquish what he wants
I am wondering.
I am resisting.
I am caving.
Blank stares
Speaking stares
Harsh stares
Good for the cat! I like the poem.
ReplyDeleteTerje
You cut words, changed some points of view, became a stomping around kind of thing, like a cat determined-right? Interesting to see all the versions & that it came out just like the argument, that you lost. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteI like that you started with the end and revealed the beginning. Somehow that made it all the more interesting. My favorite three lines are :
ReplyDeleteYou must have what I want.
You must know what I want.
You must relinquish what I want.
I am glad you kept them from the original draft (with a modification in point of view). I like the shift to the cat's p.o.v.
I loved this poem when I read it this morning. My late cat was the same way. But tonight when I came back to comment, I really enjoyed all the drafts and POV's. Not sure which one I like the best, but I am so glad you shared them all!
ReplyDeleteHow interesting to see the drafts. I love the power in your final draft. The voice is so strong. Is that really your cat? What a beauty!
ReplyDelete@elsie
ReplyDeleteYes, this is Purrsee, our Maine Coon, and he is a very determined cat. On the side sideshow you can see a picture of him sitting in our frying pan during our move. And my post yesterday has 2 video clips of him interacting with me.
I love how you shared your drafts with us. Reminds me of a process log in the making.
ReplyDeleteLove seeing how your poem changed as you revised. Very cool! Beautiful slide show also. Cats are so funny. They have their ways of demanding attention. Love the rhythm the "ing" verbs create.
ReplyDelete