Friday, October 19, 2012

Deceptive Reflectives

Shades of
Browns and grays
Deflected by
Reflections
Where shades of
Reds and oranges
Flutter to the ground
Now covering
The unfluttering
Deceived
By unnatural
Reflection.


And here's the correct answer:
Andromeda Jazmon Sibley
"I would guess it's about birds knocking into windows that reflect the autumn leaves falling, and leaves falling on the fallen birds...? "
Yup.  Now read it again, and see if you can see....

Okay, this one went through so, so, so many revisions.  Wish I'd done it in Google Doc's and kept the history, just so I could easily see its morphing.  I think this is the best I can do with it.  But really, wow.  I'm so strangely impressed with its development.  I guess, actually my bravery in cutting whole lines and groups of words...cutting way back from what I started with, to leave the essence (I hope.)  I don't know if it will make sense to anyone else in its simplest form.  Can you tell me what it is about?
I really wanted to try to write something that people would understand but that wouldn't be as straightforward as using the actual words/things I was talking about in it.  When I read it, I can tell what I'm talking about, but can you?
I don't think I'm being too obtuse, but then again...how does someone know that about themselves.
If you're obtuse, wouldn't you be too obtuse to know it?

15 comments:

  1. Yes, I agree. If you're obtuse, you might not know. I think it's about the reds & yellows covering that which is already down, the brown on the ground? I'm not quite understanding 'unnatural reflection', but it is late, & I have a cold! (Excuses, I know, that have no validity.) thanks, Donna

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    Replies
    1. Yes and no. If no one gets this by tonight...I'll know obtuseness is my forte. But anyway - sorry you are sick. Hope you get rid to the cruddies soon and that they don't come back! Take a nap today!

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  2. Absolutely LOVE the way this flows! The wordplay and internal rhyme work wonders...well done!

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  3. Donna, I love how spare it is, and you know, even though I'm not sure I know your meaning and intention, it's okay with me because I enjoy the words you've chosen! Reflection makes me think of a lake... I'm wondering if perhaps the reds and yellows are flowers... congratulations on writing a poem that makes you feel the way this one did. Keep going! And thanks for sharing. xo

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    Replies
    1. I hope someone 'gets' it! I'll let you know what it is about tonight.

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    2. Oh, not a lake, not flowers.

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  4. Woah...this one needs reading and rereading. I love the way your poem arcs back onto itself, and these lines have my brain humming:
    Deceived
    By unnatural
    Reflection
    Good for you that you challenge yourself so!

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    Replies
    1. The unnatural reflection is probably key, I'm thinking.

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  5. I'm with Irene - I love the word and sound interplay, and although I don't latch on to a meaning, even after several readings, I love the poem anyway - though my feeling is towards ageing and mirrors - hmm. I'll definitely be back to find out what the roots if the poem are - you are going to tell us, aren't you?

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    Replies
    1. Mirrors are closer than lakes...definitely will let you know tonight! Maybe someone will get it before tonight...

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  6. I would guess it's about birds knocking into windows that reflect the autumn leaves falling, and leaves falling on the fallen birds...?

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    Replies
    1. Yea! I wasn't too obtuse then! That's exactly what it is about. I so hate hearing a bird hit a window having just misinterpreted the window's reflection as a continuation of the forest. Sometimes they are lucky and just have to rest a bit...others, not so lucky. And those beautiful red and orange leaves are fluttering down covering those unfluttering grays and browns of the "fallen" birds.

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    2. I'm glad I returned to see if someone 'got' it, or if you told. How great for Andi to figure it out, & now the poem makes perfect sense. Love it, Donna!

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  7. I got fall leaves in a pond on a dark, rainy day before I read Andi's interpretation. I think it's okay for your true meaning to be somewhat obscured, as long as you're okay with us taking away our own meanings!

    The revision process is mysterious, isn't it!

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