I am a little bit unfocused on this topic, as I begin to write. I have been ready for a new beginning that was to have happened this summer, and had it "called off" or at least "delayed for an undetermined length of time"...
Because the move was supposed to be happening on May 1, we packed most everything we thought we'd need at the new house; and made piles for Goodwill, for a yard sale, to give to our kids, to give to church, of trash, to keep, and of "I don't know about this stuff yet".
We started attending our new church just over an hour away from our present home, but closer to our new one...if we were there, that would make it convenient...but we aren't, so it isn't.
|Kitchen in a Box... an ending or a beginning?|
But we'd never really seen a finish line before. We'd never really started preparing for a move. This time it seemed it would really happen, so we had begun the process - a process that has now essentially stopped mid-stride. We are living in piles of stuff. We stopped sorting. Stopped throwing away. Stopped caring. Caring seemed to be too emotional, and we wanted to make it less stressful. We wouldn't make it that important; it wasn't that important.
However, instead of getting down to business and sorting at a more leisurely pace, we stopped that, too. Beach trips, motorcycle jaunts, Starbucks, grand kids have all taken priority. And now it is August with nothing more done. I'm sitting in a mess, with few clothes to choose from each day. I spend precious minutes searching for the paper towels or other items we've bought, but didn't want to put them "away - away". Filling cabinets with stuff again seems so counterproductive!
New beginnings. Sigh. It seems that there is something wrong with the way we handled this delay in our new beginning. Every morning I started with the thought that it would be different today. Today I would surely pack more for the move or even unpack a small box of things I know we could use.
But which to do? And then we'd go on a motorcycle ride to the beach.
We should really have a yard sale on Saturday. But wouldn't a picnic be more fun?
The sun is shining. It's hot in the house. Let's go to the Flea Market.
Forget the new beginnings. Each day is a new beginning for us. And it doesn't matter where we are. I have determined to stop feeling guilty for living in limbo and not attending to the day to day as well as I should. I have determined - not quite succeeded yet - to just be content.
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11
I can't tell you how much I like to repeat this verse to myself! It isn't permission to be stagnant, but it is a commission to be satisfied in what I have been given, and I have been given a lot.
Beginnings and endings,
so closely aligned:
When one thing begins
an ending's resigned!
And though we might like
to hold on to the past,
Each new beginning is
better than last.
Reach for beginnings,
release what's been spent,
Rejoice in the chance
to enjoy what's been sent.
Begin each beginning
with smile and with grace;
And know that its ending's
just a lap in the race.
by Donna JT Smith, Aug. 1, 2017
Side Note: I'm thankful for receiving this poem - wherever in my brain it came from. I was having a minor (which is always major for me) meltdown immediately after writing this post. Then this poem suddenly emerged, and I am better now. Breathing again. Reaching.
Amazing how much that poem helped remind me of all the wonderful beginnings I've had in my life. And that there are more to come.