Friday, October 11, 2013

Revisited

So, I know some have read my prior version of this poem.  But as Andrew mentioned there were bumpy parts, and I had to agree - there were parts that still bothered me.  So I have edited again.  I think it is to my liking now.  And I am going to leave it alone.  If some day it bubbles up from the deep again and screams at me to fix it, then I will discuss it with myself and the poem.  But for now, and a long time, this is it.  And when you are done, go by and check out more poetry links for Poetry Friday hosted today by Laura Purdie Salas at Writing The World for Kids.  

Days of Roses

Yellowed walls meet her eyes
Where lives ago were roses.
Faded shades lie below
Where weary paint reposes.

It wasn't always yellowed walls
It wasn't always faded
For once upon a time she knew
A world that wasn't jaded.

Oh, rose of youth, short days ago
Or maybe it was years?
How could it be that long ago
To ring now in her ears?

The laughter and the singing,
The warmth of hugs and touch
Though taken, oh, so lightly then
Today would mean so much!

She almost sees the faces
She almost hears their voices
If she had time to give again
Would she make different choices?

The faded roses tell her "no,
Life was what it should be";
She loved and it returned to her
Much more abundantly.

Paint and time may dim the rose
But her eye still discerns
The days of love and life gone by
And happiness returns.


© Donna JT Smith, 2013

18 comments:

  1. Thanks for volunteering for The Mortimer Minute next week. The poem above is lovely. The first two lines,
    Yellowed walls meet her eyes
    Where lives ago were roses.
    are superb. (I had to repost this comment due to formatting problems. I hope they are fixed now.)

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    1. Thanks! I was thinking of the homes I've lived in where under the paint or current wallpaper there were layers of faded flowered papers. It always intrigued me that at one time they were new and vibrant.

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  2. This is really good. I especially like the first two verses.
    (However, I'm not crazy about "abundantly." I want to be, because it's a good word, but it breaks the flow.
    But this is really good!)

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    1. Thanks, Andrew!
      "Abundantly" to me gives the image of an over abundance, a generous amount and kind of in my mind meshes well with the garden roses - "floribunda" - Latin for "many-flowering". Try putting the stress on "more" and see if that helps. I value your comments and take them seriously! So if I haven't convinced you still, I'll have to keep it on the front burner! It may bubble up to the surface, saying "Oh, yeah, just because you like it doesn't mean you should keep it!"

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  3. Well, just because I don't like it doesn't mean you should get rid of it, either.
    You know, just sayin'.

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    1. Ha! Worth thinking about though! Thanks!

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  4. I do love the last verse, Donna - something healing and accepting and just right about it.

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    1. Thanks, Tara! I want to live life with no regrets - hang on to those hugs - join in on that laughter!

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  5. I like your writing in the 3rd person here, Donna. Not sure if you are "she" or you are writing about someone else, but it's very nice, rather ghostly in a way, perhaps the rhythm? I always like your poems!

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    1. I don't know of whom I'm writing either. Like you say, it could be me, but I'm wondering if it isn't someone else. I don't know. It's just an image I got in my head that needed words, I guess.

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  6. No roses on the walls in our house, but I'm reading this through my mother's eyes. I hope she reaches the end with no regrets.

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    1. That would be wonderful...I hope so too!

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  7. So melancholy and lovely. Those concrete details in the first two lines especially capture me. Thank you for sharing this...

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    1. Thanks, Laura. I think the recent removal of both of my cataracts and the miraculous restoration of my eyesight has me in a reflective mood in my writing.

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  8. Very poignant, Donna. I think it flows well and captures both loneliness and a determination to embrace happiness.

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    1. Thanks, Keri! I think we must always be determined to actively embrace happiness, not allow waves of despair to wash over us. I hope I can always do that. Rather than "hope" to do that though, I probably ought to "determine" to do that!

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  9. This poignantly expresses a situation many older folks face. Alas, the poor elder soul who does not have the happy memories to fall back on. I'd prefer to keep looking forward, but sometimes it does get tiring.
    I like the poem.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Look through the windshield, not the rearview mirror.

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